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They are out to get me.

Every once in awhile, when the kids go to bed I find that I actually have a couple moments to myself. I sit on the couch (a very rare thing I do) and watch a little tv (another very rare thing I do).

I settled in after cleaning the living room and started watching chefography. I love the chef they were bio'ing so I cozied into the cushions and pulled my feet up underneath me and took a deep breath.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimplse of it. A big huge spider. It ran across the fireplace footing with lightning speed, jumped off onto the carpet and was making a dash for me. I jumped up off the couch, looked for a weapon and yelled "HOLY SHIT!!"

As soon as it saw me jump, it ran back for the fireplace and hid behind a stone. Panicked that my life was in danger, I ran into the kitchen for some spray I knew was in there. There was no way I was going to to kill it with a shoe, that would bring me too close. I needed something I could use that would keep me at a safe distance. Not that there was a safe distance, that thing could jump and move.

I darted back into the living room, removed the fireplace screen and looked into the hole that the spider had gone it. I saw it's ugly jointed muscle legs sticking out. It had hidden in a place it couldn't fit. I began to spray.

Scared to death I held my stance and moved with the spider as it came out of the hole running. I coated the spider in the spray as it tried to get away. It ran in circles, trying to find a better spot to hide in...or a chance to jump at me and bite my face off.

It finally just stopped and stayed there. Probably thinking I would think it was dead and stop. I didn't stop. I put a good 1 inch of spray on that sucker, then I stopped. Watched and waited...

I knew it wasn't dead, and the spider knew I knew. That's when it began to move again, taking it's front legs and wiping off its fangs and face so it could see me better. Shaking the foam off it's back, I had to act fast. I grabbed the shovel from the fireplace set and BAM!! Squashed it dead. Take that!!

I put the shovel back, went back to my cozy seat on the couch and went back to my show. Then Rick came home, I told him what happened. I do have a bit of foam to clean up off the fireplace, but what if the spider reincarnates itself and comes back for me?

I hate spiders.

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