Monday, February 28, 2011

Down the rabbit hole

So. I have told you I have a 3 year old named Jakob. With Jakob a saying has come up in our household. "Jakob Happened." And let me tell you, he sometimes, really happens. For example, last winter he turned the air conditioning on and turned it down pretty low. When you can see your breath in the house, there is something wrong.

So today, Jakob Happened.

"My milk is stuck in the pipe." Although he says it much cuter since his speaking isn't very good right now and it takes a bit of translating to figure out what he is saying.

I look at him and ask him if I heard him correctly. "Your milk is stuck in a pipe?"
You see this causes a bit of alarm right away. Two bathrooms torn up right now, both with open pipes and one with extra pipes just laying on the floor.

Jakob stomps his little foot on the ground and in exasperation throws his arms out and says "yeah!"

So Rick and I both run into our bathroom to see what pipe this said cup of milk is stuck in. It isn't a pipe it is stuck in, and actually it isn't stuck at all. It has been dropped between the drywall. Down, Down, Down, there.


Rick to the rescue and he was able to finagle the cup out. As soon as I get done laying the tile in the kids bathroom the sooner they will be out of ours. Yes ours it torn up, but we at least have our vanity still. The joke right now is this: If we take out the sink in the downstairs bathroom, we will have one bathroom with a sink, one bathroom with a shower and one bathroom with a toilet.

Maybe my next post should be about all the unfinished projects in our house...hmmm.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Boys and Guns

I have given in.
As I lay on my back starring into nothingness, I realize that I tried to fight a fight I secretly knew I would never win. My father-in-law has bought Krischan a toy rifle and shotgun, amazingly enough with my permission. Of course I gave my permission with lots of uhh's, and umm's, and oh geez's. Then finally gave in with a "sure, why not."

Whenever it gets mentioned that I am not that crazy about my kids having toy guns I end up hearing "I grew up with guns and I am fine." But are you really? Who labeled you "fine"? Maybe you just haven't snapped yet, maybe that moment hasn't come to you that will cause you to go on that rampage that ends up on Dateline Friday Night.

let me step down and continue...

I tried to leave them in the car thinking he might forget about them, stupid me. So after dinner out they came,the packaging torn open, and as the flurry of plastic and cardboard settled, there were two boys with guns in their hands. (Krischan so kindly shared with his brother, which led me to believe that Krischan may have been abducted by aliens and I should sleep with one eye open.)

Little did I know that while laying down, you can shoot better.

Oh, man, now that does it. My princess no more, now she is my little Annie Oakley. Doesn't have the same ring does it?

Friday, February 25, 2011

The things that happen while in the bathroom

It is a very windy, blowing, snowing day here and Krischans school closed. He is eight so he is playing with his friend outside in what he thinks is a winter wonderland. I just think it is a pain and am wondering if summer is ever going to get here or if I should watch "The Day After Tomorrow" so I know what I should expect, then go out and buy arctic wear so I am prepared. (Dying as a popsicle is not how I ever envisioned the end.)

Back to the main point. Jakob and Kadence are inside with me and as a human being it is inevitable that one must go to the bathroom. It is the only time I can be in a room by myself. But most of the time the door does open and they invite themselves in against my protests. Not today. I hear both of them go upstairs and their little feet pitter patter into my bathroom or their bathroom, I can't tell which. And may I remind you both are torn apart.(Why finish a project we start, that is so silly!)

So here I am trapped in a little room downstairs (nature doesn't like to be rushed) listening to the havoc they are most likely wreaking upstairs waiting for one or both to come crashing through the floor. (it is another story, but our house wasn't exactly built like it should have code)

Finally I can rush upstairs and find they are in my bathroom which is housing the kids toilet, as you remember from an older post, the countertop from their vanity, and a bunch of piping we bought to fix the pipework already there, among other things I don't have the room to mention. They are like monkeys, climbing up the wall (there is no drywall on it right now) pulling on the pipes that are capped, jumping from the toilet to our vanity, back to the toilet, and fitting the extra pipes on their arms and legs acting like robots.*

I would have taken a picture or video to prove it but I thought it would be the proper parent thing to do to pull them to safety and out of the bathroom rather than run and get my camera. See how angelic they appear after the fact, but I see that mischievousness behind it all.

*ok, I exaggerated, but it wouldn't be fun to write if I told you they were just sitting on the floor playing with some cars.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The unmelted cheese of the grilled cheese

Thursdays are my long days at school. I teach (yes, they let someone like me teach) two 3 hour classes back to back and am always starving come the end of the 2nd class. Today I make the long trip home listening to the rumble in my tummy and feeling the ache in my feet because I wore heels and stood most of the time today. Won't ever do that again, no matter how good they look. (laughing hysterically, ok I lied) I make it home without hitting a deer, getting honked at, or even getting passed by an impatient driver. (Not that those three things happen to me all the time, but it sounded good as I wrote it thinking that all my drives are that treacherous.)

I remember that I have some munster cheese in the fridge and I instantly think grilled cheese. Kadence is in bed, Jakob is sitting at the table eating cookie crisp cereal and Krischan is with Rick delivering bikes. All is calm and quiet for me to make my sandwich. It grills up beautifully, a nice golden brown, and so yummy looking. I pick it up take a big bite and there is no melted cheese, no gooey stringy goodness being pulled from in between the bread, I feel like the world is going to end. Such disappointment, the cheese was hard and cold...just like the cold cut it started as.

I stand there with one hand on my hip, the other hand on the counter fingers drumming the surface impatiently, almost expecting the cheese to instantly melt once it sees how mad I am at it. I turn my head to look at the microwave, look back at the sandwich, then back at the microwave again. What the hell, in it goes, 10 seconds. I will show you stupid sandwich

Ahh, ooey, gooey melted cheese, how wonderful and warm. The almost perfect sandwich.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Martha to Mayhem

What a great morning to start the day. I was channeling Martha by working on a brownie recipe I have been trying to nail down since Christmas. ( I never work on a recipe to come up with my own) Found out that I didn't have any brown sugar so I mixed molasses and sugar together to create my own.

So Martha...

Then while my brownie concoction was cooking I made a luscious salad to make up for the brownie I would be devouring later. A beautiful spring mix with olive oil, bacon (not fake bacon) blue cheese (of course the Amish kind) and a touch of salt.

Knowing how much I love my husband I plated him up the same salad and called him in from his shop for lunch.

Jakob and Kadence were playing and having a great time, they even ate all of their lunch. Krischan, I am very sure was being his genius self at school, impressing all the teachers with his knowledge. The timer rang that it was time to take the brownie concoction out and see how it turned out.

That is some ewy gooey goodness coming out of the sides there. Then the reality buzzer goes off, the world has realized that our life shouldn't be this calm. Rick throws his hands up when he finds out an order he placed was put on the wrong card and came out of the wrong account. Off I go with some checks in hand to the bank so that nothing bounces.

Sounds simple enough. Take a certain amount of cash out of the paypal account so that along with the checks the right amount gets put in the business account, bam, problem solved.

Shame on me. I get to the ATM to pull the cash out and since it is something I never do, thought you could click on one dollar amount then another to add up the total you want. Wrong. So I have to actually do two transactions, and in the middle forget the amount I was supposed to take out so I have to call Rick to verify.

HONK!!! Just to let you know a very impatient person was behind me.

I then park to go into the bank. Don't ask why I didn't just go through the drive thru. By the way, this is the second time I am in the bank because I thought there was an ATM inside at first. Since the teller did not see the deposit slip that Rick filled out I get an apology from the teller that he cannot put the money in the bank since I am not on the account.

WHAT???? what do you mean, I do it all the time? Face turning red and getting flustered that all the times I have done this before, now all of a sudden I can't. He proceeds to tell me that he can't give me the account information to write the account number down so the deposit can happen.

WHAT?? didn't he write the account number down on the slip? Ugh!! I am never doing this for Rick again!! Oh wait...Mr. Teller man...Here is the deposit slip...with the account number.

Mr. Teller man then proceeds to tell me that there isn't enough cash here, he has written this number and you only have this much.

Shit!! What was Rick thinking, I thought he told me to take out this much, which I did, now I have to take out more! A third transaction? I am not doing this, I am going to go back home. So back to my car (for the third time) I look down as I open my car door and funny, there is the rest of the cash, sitting on my car seat.

Baaack into the bank I go. I am sure the teller is getting sick of me now. But finally, 4 trips in and out of the bank, the money is finally deposited and I can go home!!

I so deserve one of those ewey gooey brownies now.

Ahhh...all is right with the world again.

Jakob Happened

I was going to write about something else, but Jakob happened today.

In the picture below you will notice a toilet...
A toilet just sitting in the middle of a room on a towel...
Notice the toilet isn't hooked up to anything...

Why you ask? Let me tell you why. We are tiling the floor of the kids bathroom, and you can't tile around a toilet, you have to take it out and get underneath it. (And yes, the room it is in is in our torn apart master bathroom that has been torn apart for the past two years...but that is another book.)

Back to Jakob happening.
Jakob is 3.
He sees a toilet and goes pee or poop in it.
He went to the bathroom in this toilet.

Thank God he didn't flush...and only peed.

Monday, February 21, 2011

It's a Monday

Monday mornings are usually slow and easily turn into PJ days during the winter. I don't teach that day so I am not required to venture out of my home, even to check the mail. Today proved why Mondays should be treated as such.

The rain is coming down and since it is so cold it is on the verge of turning into a nasty sleety mess. Krischan is safely at school, after missing the bus, and my grocery list is staring me in the face telling me that if I don't go today, my family will starve by wed evening. So off Jakob, Kadence and I go for a quick jaunt to Kroger. Here is where my life kicks in.

Jakob loves apples. My parents always find little nibbles out of their apples they keep on the kitchen table and I have been known to find that random apple on the floor half eaten. In the produce section with Kadence sitting patiently in the cart (not really) I am standing in front of a beautiful array of them loading a bag up. Over to my right there is a stand that is shorter with red apples stacked up on it, precisely the same height as Jakob. Without taking his hands out of his pockets, he leans over and takes a bite out of one of the apples, then turns and walks away. "mmm...good" is his only reply as he munches. I guess I am buying that apple, which I of course did, but would have loved to have left it there and watched to see what people would've done once they had noticed it there.

As quickly as I got there I am done and have told Kadence to "Sit down!" about 837 times and told Jakob to "Get over here!" another 468. We smoothly go through the line, I pay and start heading out to the car.


Where are my keys? Oh, I left them at the register. I go back, no one is at the register anymore and there are no keys. I check the customer service counter, no keys. I check back at the register, on the floor, on the ledge, no keys. How can a simple pair of keys disappear? A manager helps me look through my bags as another manager looks at video tape to see what happened. Here is what happened:

The woman behind me took them and left. Yes, only to me would this happen. When it is lunch time and I have two little kids with me that get cranky really fast. In waiting for this said woman to come back with my keys (the magic of using those shoppers cards) they eat a sucker given to them from one cashier that feels bad for me (great give them sugar on an empty stomach), two packs of fruit snacks that I had just bought and a few Crackers to hopefully counter balance all the sugar they just ate.

An hour after I check out I am with keys in hand, and heading out the door to finally go home. Note to self: Mondays should be left alone.