eight and a half acre farm

Once upon a long, long time ago (23 years) there was a little girl who dreamed of becoming an actress. She loved pretending, acting, watching movies, and acting along with the movies she watched. She was in her school plays and belonged to a junior theater group. To be in the movies, to be anyone and everyone you have ever wanted to be. To dive into a character and live that life for a little while, to become that person. Dreams can get lost, or left behind, but can they ever be picked back up? Can you ever go back to them? Is that the reason I wander though life wondering what I want to do when I grow up...still? I left those dreams behind because I let a couple of people effect me in a negative way. I was young and stupid and probably didn't tell anyone how I felt or why I left the idea of acting behind. Because I am sure if I said something, someone would have encouraged me to quit being stupid and worrying about how other people are, directing me back to my path. Once a

Joined a gym about 3 weeks ago. Have been going religiously, unlike church, but that is a different story. I do pilates twice a week and this kill or be killed bootcamp class three times a week. Last night was an all body round and the only place I am sore are my shoulders and butt. My butt is so sore that even when standing I feel the muscles working. I have never been so aware of how the muscles work in your rear end for every little move you make like I am today. Although it does make me feel like I have a tight ass.

Went in to get a root canal done today. Not a fun experience. Not much to say about it other than I had an anxiety attack in the chair, heart was racing, body was was shaking and after I started crying, he decided to give me nitrous. Who has anxiety attacks in the dentists chair? I can't believe I actually started crying. I hate getting dental work done. Always have, always will. And to top it off, he wanted me to look in a mirror at my hollow tooth. Oh God, and I have to go back in two weeks to get it finished. Why can't a root canal be done in one appointment? C'mon!

To make our lives easier there are things that are convenient to us. Don't want to cook dinner? Go through a drive through, someone does the cooking for you. Don't want to open a door, step on a pad and the door opens for you. Don't want to go to the store and buy something, order it online and it will come to you. Don't want to spend hours scrubbing clean your oven? Then use the oven clean setting. Hmmmm. Shouldn't you be able to cancel that? Why you ask? Have you ever cleaned your grill? The easy way? Turn it on high, all burners, and let it burn that shit off the grates, then once it is all burnt to a crisp you just have to take a brush and poof, it brushes off. Yup, that is also what the oven cleaner does. I had the bright idea of turning it on tonight, with the top stove grates in the oven cause they were awful dirty. Our fan thingy above the stove, doesn't work very well. Our fire alarm is going off. I have the front door wide open, a

I have often laughed at my boys because they hold themselves, dance like crazy, and chant "I have to go, I have to go, I have to go." Then you hear them in the bathroom and their feet hit the floor faster and faster, then stop. Success as they make it to the bathroom, and don't pee themselves. One thing I don't laugh at is when I have to go and before I go, I have to clean all the pee off of the toilet seat because they decided to not go in the toilet, but around it. Fun. Well, today I think my littlest boy couldn't figure out which the toilet was. I notice the floor is awful wet, and the biggest puddle is under the wicker trashcan. Damn, if he didn't pee in the trashcan, just like fraternity boy who is so drunk he can't figure out if the trashcan is a toilet or not. I decided it was because he was half asleep and let it slide over...until tonight when he did it again in the upstairs trashcan. Everyday that I go into the bathroom and have to clea