Thursday, January 26, 2012

And, where did this fear come from?

I have a few quirks. Ok, maybe more than a few, but I won't be talking about all of them today, just one in particular that I thought about this morning.

What falls into my quirk category is irrational fear.
Irrational meaning not logical or rational.

Emphasis on logical.

One (yes I am saying one) of my irrational fears is that I am going to drive away and one of my children had decided it would be cool to sit on my fender or on top of my car, me somehow not seeing them.

I know, the insane asylum is in my future, but we aren't talking about that right now.

Who would not know a child was hanging on to their car anyway?

What child would do that anyway?

I always picture a screaming crying child hanging on for dear life, eyes wide with fear, me completely oblivious that they are about to become road kill.

I think I got this fear from National Lampoons Vacation. No, I do not tie my children to my car, but that is the only logical (that might be an oxymoron in this post) reason I can think of.

As I was driving in this morning a car behind me flashed its brights. Instant thought, one of my kids is holding on to my car, oh wait, one is on the bus to school, the other is in school, the third is inside the car with me.

I have not pulled over to check as of yet, but I do have to talk myself down sometimes and tell myself it would be rediculus to call my husband and make sure all three were safe at home.

I wonder what it is like in an insane asylum.

And that is only one of my irrational fears....

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sometimes under a rock would be a good place to live

Sometimes I look into my future, and see a very lonely woman, sitting by a window, watching the world go by.

I had a "human moment" today, and it seems that I have a lot of them. (Calling it a "human moment" makes me feel better, makes it sound like it happens to everyone.) When I get old enough and Senile enough, I will be put in a nursing home and forgotten about, and before then excuses will be made why family can't come over too see me, or why I can't come to visit them.

My children will be in therapy before they are 15.

I should just start drinking now.

I hate January.

When's spring.

I will feel better then.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Feeling a bit Martha'ish

I DVR The Martha Stewart Show on the hallmark channel every day, and I watch it at night or on the weekend when I am folding clothes. This past week was beauty week. So many cool things that are just items you can buy in the grocery store or grow in your garden, and I have made a very Martha decision today.

I am going to start making my own beauty products. Com'on! How hard can it be?

So I started tonight. I made a hair mask.

Now, as I have mentioned earlier, as soon as I turned 37 my hair freaked out. I even have my first grey hair!! It sticks up and shouts out like a sore thumb, even though my husband denies being able to see it.

My hair dresser has helped me with my hair, hooked me up with products that repair my hair and products to put in my hair to help it. So in all, I have 5 products that I put in my hair almost every day!! 5, count it out 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. crazy!! (Jakob would count 1,2,3,4,9. so damn cute)

With all 5 products I can let my hair air dry, which for my hair is a miracle. Without them, it does not air dry well, basically it freaks out. Tonight, after rinsing out the hair mask, I did not put anything else in my hair and let it air dry. It looks AMAZING!!! I am a beauty product genius!!

1 banana mashed
1 tsp olive oil
1 tbsp honey
mix together and smear through hair. It smells soooo good! Even the spider that crawled out of the electical outlet in my bathroom thought so and was ready to jump in the bowl and cleanse itself. Too bad I killed it.

I got in the shower after feeling like I had just been in a food fight, and smelling divine, waited about 10 minutes before rinsing out. (I don't really need to tell you what I did in those 10 minutes, it isn't any of your business) No shampoo, no conditioner, no other products, just the food.

Watch out, I am now addicted after that one hair mask and will now see what else I can get in a food fight with. (Hmmm, I see a name, a logo and an entreprenuer idea brewing, but does the world really need another natural beauty product?)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Kadence is a genius.

Now I can brag that I have two genius children. (The jury is still out on Jakob, right now he is just plain cute.)

I was going over colors with Kadence today. She was wearing a purple top and I asked her what color it was.

Her reply: "Red and blue"

Red and blue do make purple, so she was not wrong and chose to answer the question quick-witted. I am pretty sure she rolled her eyes at me and said "Duh mom" in her head.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Introducing: The Crime Scene Brownie

There are just some days, or several days, that you really feel like a crime scene...something. (If you have seen No Strings Attached you know what I am talking about.)

It took me a day to figure out what I needed. Oatmeal cream pie? no, not rich enough, red velvet cupcakes? Didn't want to have to scour Columbus for a really good one. Mrs. Goodman's cake? Didn't want to drive that far. Some dessert coffee and goodie from a coffee house? No, definitely not something that was pre-frozen, then thawed for (what a waste of some much wanted calorie intake).

Then I figured it out. Thank God I know the brownie queen, the global brownie ambassador, the one who makes brownie delectables from a box.

Thank God to her because I had a boxed brownie mix in my pantry. One that I had planned on making her peppermint bark brownies with. I made a batch for my neighbor and planned on treating myself to those Christmas eve. That never happened.

No...I didn't make one of her wonderous recipes. (sorry denise) I created my own.
1 box of brownie mix, swirled with my salty caramel sauce, baked and then topped with a white chocolate butter cream frosting.

(yes, the frosting is as thick as the brownie, got a problem with that?) Fucking insane!! After making them I ate a piece, and was kind enough to share with the family. My husband dared to take two pieces, I bit my sharp tongue (lucky for him).

I held out for the next morning after church. Cut myself a huge piece, made some coffee and sat in my rocking chair. Daring the kids to want the breakfast I was having.

If you aren't in a crime scene type of mood this would be way to rich for you. You wouldn't even get past the first bite.

Later that day Kadence broke a bowl, I broke a plate, Jakob threw a mother fit, Legos were thrown into my Christmas tree breaking a ornament from my childhood, and the house was a wreck after being gone for only 2 hours. (ok, maybe 3)

That deserves a huge slice to be cut and eaten, enjoyed, while mayhem continues behind me.

My husband dared eat another piece, told me we probably weren't going to be able to put our master bathroom back together unless we did it ourselves (and where would we find that time? it has been three freaking years). My daughter held her pee so long she ended up peeing all over my leg, the floor and herself. Told my son to go get two hand towels so I could clean up the floor...he brought me one washcloth, and while I quickly ran upstairs with her to wash her and myself, the rice began to burn on the stove.

Damn...since my husband helped himself to a piece, I was only left with one tiny, square inch brownie. If I make more...10 lbs will be added for sure...

Oh boy...I need a sunny beach, drink in one hand, crime scene brownie in the other and a good book to dive into.

My sanity is at risk...